India is training Maldives, Sri Lankan bureaucrats! But how to test they have really studied well? We present a question paper!

India will train civil servants from Maldives & Sri Lanka!

In a clear proof of its broad minded, neighbourhood first policy, India has announced that 1,000 Maldives civil servants will be trained in India through “customized, tailor-made and need-based modules and programmes, as per the requirements of Maldives, in areas of public policy, governance and field administration”. Similarly 1,500 Sri Lankans will be trained over 5 years.

Given the fact that both countries have seen rise of anti-Indian sentiments and flirting with China, this gesture is really noble. It will ensure people to people ties will stay strong. The signal is clear - “You may hate us, but we love you!”

But cynics reaction in social media has been unfortunately negative. Some even allege this is a clever plan by India to have revenge on these countries for daring to oppose India. Here is a sample of the reaction:

• Using WMD against Maldives is too much!
• Perfect revenge - their entire generation will be screwed
• Why should we alone suffer?
• Soon we will be hearing of scams from Maldives
• We should not wish this even upon our worst enemies!
• Ask them to come back after lunch!

Some even cruelly suggested that JNU should also be asked to open campus there.

We at Falsenews wish nothing but the best for our neighbours. In that spirit, we were concerned whether the training will be effective. How to know? Of course, by testing!

As a free public service to India as well as Maldives and SL, here is our draft question paper that can be used to ensure the trainees have benefited fully from the program.

Question paper!

In the interest of transparency and fairness we also provide draft replies and grading system. Please keep this confidential and don’t disclose to ‘students’ (unless they pay something under the table of course)

1. Please draft a notification under Section 254A (i) (1) (j) (ii) of Indian Income Tax Act, read with Section 1235J (3)(ii) disallowing expenses relating to use of motor cars for watching movies.

Grading:

• If 3 randomly selected CAs can agree on its meaning - 20 NEGATIVE marks
• If it creates 23,454 appeals, litigation and further clarifications - 50 marks

2. Explain in 1000 words why filing a form in quintuplicate is better than triplicate

Hint: It keeps 5 babus busy instead of just 3.

Grading:

• For each extra word above 1,000 - 10 marks
• For each use of “wherewithin”, “aforesaid” etc - 10 marks
• If a person of above normal intelligence can understand it after reading it only 3 times - 50 NEGATIVE marks

2. An Indian babu drained an entire village pond to find his lost Iphone. What else could he have done?

Grading:

• Announced a reward for any local kid that can dive to find it - 1 mark
• Waited for the next drought for the pond to dry by itself - 2 marks
• Increased “facilitation fee” by 20% to cover the loss - 10 marks
• Called for tender with 3 quotes to drain the pond instead of arbitrary choice - 40 marks

3. Computerisation and increased use of emails instead of printed notices is a great development. Why?

Grading:

• Saves cost - 1 mark
• Ease of compliance and better business environment - 10 NEGATIVE marks
• Now, with push of the button, I can send notifications to 23,45,454 people without waiting for the LDC to return from maternity leave, or share ‘revenue’ with the peon that needs to mail it! - 40 marks

4. New minister wants automatic submission of forms online! How to fix him?

Grading:

• Argue with him, try to convince him - 1 mark
• Plant negative stories about him in media - 10 marks
• He’s right, you must help him deliver his promise to voters - 40 NEGATIVE marks
• Just insert one step in the notification that needs to be done face to face. Doesn’t matter if all others are online! He wouldn’t read the entire notification or understand anyway - 50 marks

5. Socialism is the civil servant’s best friend. Why?

Grading:

• It helps us focus on the last man in the queue - 1 mark
• It tells us our job is to serve the public - 30 NEGATIVE marks
• I can accumulate even more powers over everything from judging literature to issing permits - 50 marks

This should be enough though we can think of many more questions.